I feel like resurrecting something I wrote many years ago and submitted to a blog called “Working for the Man.” It was a great blog but now I think it’s gone. Here is what I wrote. It should make people who have horrible bosses feel good. And I want to emphasize that this was written about 10 years ago, and in no way reflects my current job, which is good.
As suggested, I’m writing this on the clock. I’m a starving writer in Los Angeles (who isn’t). I started working as a grant writer at this non-profit 6 months ago because the unemployment checks just weren’t paying the bills. I had no idea of the hell I would be sucked into, ruled by a being worse than Satan, who I will call the Paranoid Control Freak (PCF). What follows is a list of all his evildoings that I’ve catalogued during my days of misery. If you’ve ever seen “The Caine Mutiny” with Humphrey Bogart, Captain Quigley is almost as bad as the PCF, our Acting Executive Director.
1. The PCF is now freaking out about people taking pens off his desk. ‘My pens are my pens.’ The pens were just normal Bic pens. He lectures us for ten minutes as he tries to figure out who took his pens. There are plenty of pens five feet away in the storage closet.
2. Argues with a receptionist on the phone, telling her ‘shouldn’t you be embarrassed?’ when she tells him that the person he asks for doesn’t exist within that company. He should be embarrassed because he keeps lousy files and is unorganized. He is too paranoid to make a contacts list becuase someone in the office might see it.
3. Lectured me for ten minutes because I spent five minutes on a phone call to one of our members who had a few questions. This woman was just a regular member, not one who donated tons of money. I am supposed to put a monetary value on everything, including people. If they don’t give a lot of money, then don’t put an effort into them.
4. We must ask whether he is ‘in’ before we can speak with him. Then he gets angry when we ask because we’re interupting whatever he’s doing. He hates that his desk is in the main room and open to everything, but won’t move into the back room because then he won’t be able to spy on everyone.
5. Claims people are moving files around in the locked cabinet that only he has a key to.
6. Complains that he is being bogged down with “minutia” and administrative duties that everyone else should be doing instead. But then when he deligates these duties, he doesn’t trust our abilities and double checks everything we do, criticizing our work, and then does it over himself.
7. The following must be checked with the PCF before done: faxing, mailing, shredding paper, emailing, and talking on the phone.
8. Writes on the wipe-away board with permanant pen.
9. Yells at the pizzaman when he’s ordering food, claiming that they’re unbusinesslike and don’t know what they’re doing. We no longer share his pizza because we know they must be putting extra “toppings” on it. Then he never has enough money for the deliveryman so doesn’t give a tip. Eats extremely loudly and wetly. Very messy and piglike. Very annoying.
10. I ask the PCF if we’ve had contact with a certain corporation. He says angrily, “see, this is why you need to check with me, because we already do.” And I said, “I am checking with you right now. Why else do you think I’d be asking?”
11. In the middle of my phone conversations with members or employees at other chapters, he will pick up the phone and butt into my conversation without asking, which is very unprofessional, although he doesn’t seem to realize it.
12. Will use the noisey paper shredder right next to my desk when I’m on the phone.
13. Spent about 20 hours working on his director’s report and wouldn’t let anyone see it. I had to use his computer so I could use his scanner and he wouldn’t move. I had to lean over his lap to get to the mouse and keyboard. Then friday morning I read his report while he wasn’t there and found out he took credit for everything that happened in the office, including grant stuff that I did and research that another coworker did. I had a private talk with our president in the back room and told her this. She said that she had already gone over his report and taken out most of the ‘I did this and that’ and made him change it all to ‘we’ and ‘the staff’ because he’s just out for his own gain. When we came out of the back room another empoyee said the PCF had been standing by the door listening.
14. Our Office Manager is the mother of our President and in her seventies. She is very dedicated, but it takes some patience to work with her because she sometimes lags due to her age. The PCF makes her cry at least twice a week.
15. A gentleman was coming to the office at 2pm, and PCF wanted everyone there so we had to take a late lunch. So at 11am PCF calls in and says when he gets in he’s going to have a meeting with everyone over budget issues. He says he’ll be in shortly, which means anything from 15 minutes to an hour and a half. Another co-worker and I tell our Office Manager that we are going to run to the market for 10 minutes to get a snack since we have to take a late lunch. We ask if this is okay and if she needs anything. Then we go. When we get back in ten minutes we are met with an angry assault from the PCF, who got in 2 minutes before we got back. He said that we had just left the office without properly asking our office manager and without telling her how long we’d be. Properly asking means, “May we please go to the supermarket for ten minutes if it doesn’t interfere with anything that needs to be done?” He spends an hour yelling at us, and we’re yelling back. The guy I took the break with is so pissed he’s shaking. He ends up quitting, but is convinced to stay by our Office Manager before he can make it out the door. A few days later I quit over something other issue related to the PCF, and make it out to my car before I am convinced to stay by the OM. A few days after that, another employee threatens to quit. That’s over half our staff in under two weeks. That says a hell of a lot about the shit that we have to put up with because of the PCF. Lately I’ve started to fantasize about the PCF dying a grisley, horrible death. Does that make me bad?