SHEITAN

AKA, “Satan.” This French horror film is seriously one of the most F-ed up I’ve seen in a while. It came out in 2006 and I don’t know any of the actors.

It starts out with five friends, two girls, three guys in their early 20’s I’d say, and their dog. They get kicked out of a night club so decide to go to Eve’s house out in the country. It’s the day before Christmas, 12/24. Then we meet Joseph, the groundskeeper/housekeeper/goat herder guy. And right away you know he’s creepy:

Instead of giving a summary of the movie, here are reasons why it’s f-ed up. If you are easily offended or squeamish, please stop reading now and go look at one of my posts with kitties in it.

1. Joseph squirts milk from a goat’s udder into Eve’s mouth. Not that weird yet.
2. Joseph tries to encourage Bart to go skinny dipping with him at a local hot springs, just the two of them. Now it’s getting weird.
3. The two other guys are hooking up with the two girls, so Joseph tries to set up Bart with his niece, Jeanne, who is more than willing to have sex with him.
4. You get the impression that everyone in the countryside is related to each other, and all having sex with each other.
5. While playing in the hot springs, Jeanne rips out a big chunk of Bart’s hair, and thinks it’s funny.
6. Joseph is putting together a doll with Bart’s chunk of hair, and part of his clothes.
7. At Christmas dinner (they eat goat) Joseph tells the story of a man who had Satan make him invincible, then had sex with his own sister, and found out the next morning that she was pregnant with Satan’s child, which would be born on the stroke of midnight on Christmas night. A special present has to be made for the baby (which turns out to be the doll).
8. Joseph’s wife is pregnant, although we don’t see her face until the end of the movie.
9. NASTIEST BIT: While she goes into labor, Joseph is licking her belly and breasts! EW!!!
10. She gives birth in the kitchen and the baby basically just falls out of her onto the floor.
11. SPOILER: You find out that Joseph’s wife is his sister, and their kids are Jeanne his “niece,” Eve, and this other teenage boy who obviously is the result of inbreeding and has the hots for Eve throughout the movie.

I should also add that apart from the dinner conversation about Satan, and the prevalence of goats throughout the film there is no actual devil worshipping. Plus, there is a dream sequence involving a midget. I have no idea why there is a midget, it doesn’t really add anything to the movie. I think the French like to add them to their movies.

So this was a seriously creepy in a “I need to scrub my eyeballs to get the filth out” kind of way. If you’re into that kind of stuff, please enjoy.