JOBLESS – DAY 8

Don’t forget to shave your legs and pits, or if you’re a guy, your face. You don’t want to become a total slob. It’s the same thinking as not wearing sweatpants everywhere. Just because your unemployed doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look decent when you go to the supermarket.

 

THE YOUNG AND THE JOBLESS #1

So tomorrow is my last day of work. I have about 16 working hours left at my current position. It is the end of the fiscal year and there is no budget for me for next year. So now everybody gets to hear about my days filled with doing nothing and maybe some advice for how to fill them.

I will start with tips for what to do when you know ahead of time that you will lose your job.

1. Take toilet paper. That stuff is expensive. At my work the cleaning woman will put rolls that have 1/3 to 1/4 of the roll left on top of the TP dispenser so she can put a full roll into the dispenser. Put those in your purse or briefcase. If you can’t do that, then bring ziplocs and fold the TP into them.
2. Take paper towels from the bathroom. Those are also expensive.
3. Have liquid soap dispensers at work? Bring an empty water bottle and fill up! Get to work super early in the morning to do this one.
4. Is there a cafeteria at your job? That’s a great place to get napkins, plastic cutlery, packets of condiments, sugar, sweeteners, etc.
5. Go raid the supply closet for printer paper, envelopes, pens, pencils, highlighters, staplers (I got a nice black Swingline stapler at my last job), paperclips, binder clips, binders, folders, pads of paper, post-its, blank CDs/DVDs, and anything else you might need. It’s a good place to find school supplies for your kids, too.
6. Don’t forget to use your time at work to look for a new job. Nothing is better than high speed internet when looking for work.
7. Burn copies of anything on your computer that might be used for reference at your next job or in your portfolio.
8. Plan revenge on coworkers you didn’t like. Back when George W. Bush took office, all of the staff that was leaving with the Clinton administration took the “W” key off of their keyboards. On Living Dilbert’s site, somebody mentioned putting cheese in the computer vents. Wait, that may have been me who suggested that.
9. Do some final sucking up to your bosses and coworkers (unless they fall under #8). Make sure you give them your contact info in case they have leads for you in the future. Never underestimate networking for getting a job.
10. Stay classy. Don’t make them escort you from the premises by security.

Next time on The Young and the Jobless, what to do on your first day off.

 

THE SECRET TO IMMORTALITY

Or at least living a really long time, according to the world’s oldest man, Walter Breuning:

Cigarettes, whiskey and wild, wild women — and a good sense of humor.

This was taken from here.

 

LT. OF INISHMORE

So Friday night my husband and I went to see the Lieutenant of Inishmore at the Mark Taper Forum in downtown L.A.

It is a dark comedy and is supposed to be “unapologetically bloody.” It was definitely bloody, but not super funny. The funny was very forced, and cliched. The first half was a bit slow. The second half was funnier and bloodier. And there was a real live kitty at the end.

Now, when my husband and I go to the theatre (note fancy spelling, pronounced thee-ATE-er), we don’t try to get the best seats possible. We buy the seats closest to an exit so we can make a fast getaway. I am certain that we were the first out of the building, even though we were on the second level. As soon as the curtain starts to close and the lights dim, we are hurrying towards the exit, clapping as we go. This time we literally ran through the parking lot. I wore sensible flats so I could run faster. It made me think of old movies where them man in a suit is dragging the woman behind him as they run. We looked exactly like this:

After our getaway, we stopped at In ‘n’ Out, our traditional post-theatre meal. But this time, since we were celebrating our anniversary, we brought it home and had it with champagne. Mmm, champagne and hamburgers. We are classy.