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Tag Archives: horror

I HATE ANTS!!!!

There is an ant invasion in my kitchen. Every day there is a new swarm of them. This morning I had to clean out my booze cupboard and wash off all the bottles and then spray down the cupboard with Raid. DAMN ANTS!!!

 
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Posted by on August 10, 2012 in bugs, complaints, destruction, me

 

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MADHOUSE

I just watched Madhouse (1974) with Vincent Price and I think that of all of his movies I’ve seen to date, this is his best.

Here is the plot, which I’m quoting from wikipedia:

Price plays Paul Toombes, a horror actor whose trademark role is ‘Dr. Death’. Years after a scandal ends his film career (his fiancee is murdered and Toombes ends up in an asylum, suspected but never convicted of the crime), the embittered Toombes revives his character for a television series. Cast and crew begin to die in ways that suggest scenes from Toombes’s films, and they all point to Toombes. Now, Toombes must find and confront the real killer, before he becomes the next victim.

The ending is fantastic. This will be a bit of a spoiler. But there was an actress who was in one of his movies, and he didn’t want her romantically, and while he was in the asylum she was in a fire and burned and sort of went mad, and at the end of the movie Price gets burned and goes even more insane, and so they live insanely ever after.

Pretty good characters with emotional issues, Price is great as you see him crumbling. I recommend it.

 
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Posted by on April 18, 2012 in geekery, movies

 

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BAD MOVIE REVIEW: THE SHRINE

While stuck at home today because of the rain I watched a very bad movie on Netflix: The Shrine (2010).

It supposedly takes place in Poland so I thought it was a foreign film but it’s American. Three Americans, a journalist, her boyfriend, and a female intern go to Poland to investigate the disappearance of a college student/backpacker. The two women gaze upon this evil statue that is eternally shrouded in fog. The locals capture them, and kill the intern in a strange ritual. They are about to kill the journalist but her boyfriend rescues her. As they try to escape she turns into a demon because anyone who gazes upon the statue turns into a demon thing. Makeup was similar to the Exorcist but without the pea soup. So the locals, and with the help of the boyfriend, kill her. Then the next day when he is about to leave the town he asked a local, what is that statue? And the local says, it’s a curse from long ago that can’t be lifted. THAT’S IT?? That’s all the explanation I get? I sat through 84 minutes of bad props and makeup and dialog and Polish accents and acting and that’s it? Damnit!

 
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Posted by on March 25, 2012 in movies

 

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THE FEAR CHAMBER

This is a Mexican horror movie with Boris Karloff. There weren’t any good lines, so I will tell you all about the film.

Here is the basic storyline. If it doesn’t make sense it’s because the movie doesn’t make sense!!

Let’s stare at people’s eyes through helmets while they talk and we don’t see what else is going on, all in redlight.

A woman in a bed that is then frightened in the “fear chamber” so her chemicals can be harvested, to feed a sentient rock from deep in the earth’s crust.

A midget and a man in a turbon, although I have no idea why.

A hooker who I swear is a transvestite.

A man with what looks like a lobotomy scar who is obsessed with diamonds.

 
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Posted by on April 14, 2011 in movies

 

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BASKET CASE

A B-Movie from 1982. Wonderfully bad. But the best thing is that it’s a trilogy! But the next 2 aren’t on demand so I’ll have to get the DVD. Basically it’s about siamese twins, one of which is normal and the other is a head with hands sticking out of the normal kid’s side. They are separated from each other at age 12 against their will. When they are older they seek revenge on the three doctors that separated them and left the deformed one to die.

Man: “That was delicious.”
Woman: “So are you. Come on, have some more.” [wine that is]
M: “No really, I’ve had enough.”
W: “Nonsense, we’re just beginning.”
M: “Listen, if I have any more, I’m liable to…” [makes motions that we would slobber on himself]
W: “That’s alright, I like you drunk. You’re cute when you’re slobbering.”

“We’re Siamese twins.”
“Funny, you don’t look Oriental.”

 
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Posted by on April 9, 2011 in movies, Uncategorized

 

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VAMPIRE CIRCUS

Within two minutes I was about to turn this movie off because it was just SO DAMN HORRIBLE!!!!

But then the first vampire died who was just absolutely annoying so I thought, okay, maybe I can deal with this. I mean, would you want to watch a movie with this guy in it for 90 minutes?

So I kept watching and was rewarded with a midget clown!!

There is also a lady painted in tiger stripes:

And she’s just in a G-sring and paint. Plus there is the magic of editing! Where for once second there is a black panther and then in the next it has magically transformed into a vampire!! How did they do that?

There’s also a strong man in a leather skirt for the ladies.

So for these things we can overlook bad acting, bad dialogue, bad sets, bad costumes, and of course absolutely no historical accuracy whatsoever.

Okay, this bit is so hilarious that I had to stream the movie on my laptop so I could do a screen capture and take the image myself. A VAMPIRE WITH CAVITIES!!!!

 

 
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Posted by on April 7, 2011 in movies, naughtiness

 

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BLACK SABBATH THE MOVIE

Best movie line ever: “What the matter woman, can’t I fondle my own grandson?”

1960’s horror movie made up of three short horror movies, all very campy, but kind of funny.

 

 
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Posted by on April 2, 2011 in movies

 

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